Imagine this: you’re sixteen, it’s that last two weeks of summer before your junior year of high school start.

You have a friend group but you have one friend that’s been there since 7th grade, when you were the weird one, the outcast, THE NEW GIRL. A random girl comes up to you and says HEY! I’m Emilee, we’re gonna be best friends. And, that we were ever since that scary first day of seventh grade!

Back to the first sentence, You’re sleeping in, your phone vibrates and it’s Emilee. “ what’s up?? I’m at work on break, soooo bored!” We chit chat back and forth and she tells me she loves me & I say I love you too! ( this is weird because we never did this). My mom comes into my room & says “if you’re gonna have people over, you need to clean up your room.” This wasn’t out of the ordinary for her to say because our house was kind of like the “it” house, anybody could come over stay as long as they wanted, as long as the house was clean. I got up and started cleaning my room.. It had been raining that morning, which irritated me because I wanted to go to the pool that afternoon.. I remember going to hang up clothes in my closet and the lights in my closet blinking 3 times, this scared me because my grandmother always said if a light blinks three times back to back something bad will happen soon. I remember running into my moms room and saying did your lights just blink? Nope, just mine. WEIRD. I brushed it off and put it in the back of my head..

My cousin soon got off of work and came over and we decided to paint our nails, my mom had left with someone and told us if we needed anything Mawmaw was in her room.. I can’t remember exactly what we were doing when my cousin got the call but I remember her begging me to go with her to the scene of this wreck because she thought it may be one of her employees. Something kept telling me, “ don’t go” and My boyfriend was about to be at my house so that was the perfect excuse. My boyfriend worked a hard laboring job so he was tired when he came inside, he immediately crashed on the couch.

A little bit later, my phone rang. My cousin crystal said hey, I’m on my way back but weird question… have you talked to Emilee, today? I said yeah, why? What’s up?? She said try to call her and let me know if she answers.. So, I did and it rang and went to voicemail. I remembered she told me she was going to her boyfriends when she got off of work, so I figured she was still there. No biggie. So, I decided to get on Facebook.. that’s when I saw it. RIP Emilee. I remember shaking, I shook my boyfriend and usually he was hard to wake up, he woke up on the first nudge. He said, “ what’s wrong??” All I could get out was she’s dead. I remember someone calling my Mawmaw and telling her to get to me before I found out and it was too late.. I remember a few seconds later my phone ringing with my brothers name, I answered it calmly thinking he was gonna tell me to come to the pool, he said hey what are you doing? I never answered his question, instead I threw my phone as hard as I could and screamed. I had no idea someone had also called him to tell him to get to me and that he was down the road at dinner with my future sister in law.

I remember my mom finally calling me and asking what I was doing and I was so numb my only response was I’m going to smoke a cigarette. I’m sure my mom knew I smoked but I was never open about it and I snuck outside to do it. She said “ I’m on my way home, I know you’re upset. Call me when you finish smoking.” At that point I really didn’t care what anyone said to me, my heart was broken. I needed to get to the hospital because I knew this was just some sick joke. A lot of people came to my house that night and stayed with me until I told them they had to leave because I needed to be alone.. I remember going to Emilees moms house the next day and her grabbing me and telling me how unfair it was because her baby would never pull in to that driveway again. I remember crying myself to sleep. Then came the visitation, our school counselor was there. She stopped me before I went in and gave the generic if you need someone to talk to let me know speech. She looks like she’s sleeping, your classmates need you to be strong. Blah, blah, blah. I remember losing my composure as I walked up to the casket, I couldn’t believe it and I wanted her to open one eye and say gotcha. I swore I wouldn’t be mad. I’d even laugh, unfortunately, that never happened. I remember attending the funeral, sinking so far into my seat during the service that I wished the floor would swallow me up..

There were candle light vigils after that, that was the first loss that I had cut me to my core. At that point in my life I felt like a misunderstood teenager, who lost her way. That’s where my depression started and being sixteen, I didn’t think to ask for help. I can’t lie and tell you after experiencing something like that it gets better because there are still long nights that involve tears, alcohol, & wishing there was something that I could have done to change the outcome.

Since Emilees death, I’ve gotten closure. Losing someone like her never gets easier. When you experience a loss like that, one day you get closure, it can be days, months, or years. Trust me when I say, they always come back to you and give you a sign they’re okay and have made it to the other side.

August 4, 2012 at 5:11 pm will always have a significant meaning to me. I have that date tattooed on me as a representation of the worst day of my life. That was the day I lost my soulmate, a sister, & a piece of myself that I’ve still not found. I’ve searched for her in many different people. Nobody will ever be Emilee, no body will ever take her place. Being almost 25, I’ve learned to stop searching and to remember she’s that lime green butterfly I see on a spring day, she’s that cool breeze I feel in the hotness of summer time. Emilee was my hero, missing puzzle piece, my human diary. She took my secrets to the grave.

Rest In Peace to the purest soul I’ve ever met. Keep watching over us. We love and miss you.

I hope this finds someone that really needs it. I hope my experience helps someone. As always, if anyone ever needs to talk. I’m here. ♥️