Have you ever lost someone? A family member, a friend, someone you loved, someone you cherished. It never gets easier. You never stop missing them…
Today I woke up and it took everything in me not to just stay in bed. I wouldn’t let myself be alone.. I wanted to be surrounded by people..
A year ago I woke up as any other normal work day and went to work.. a few hours later, I ended up going to lunch a little later than normal… me and a co-worker decided to go to lunch together.
I remember sitting at lunch and getting a text message saying you had just passed away. I was in total shock, I think I actually dropped my phone and was like nah must be someone else. My coworker staring at me and being like are you okay?? You read this right?
Then I remember paying my bill, being in shock and speeding back to work, trying to inform my boss what was going on and that I was leaving.
I called my mom and she didn’t answer so I kept calling back to back.. I think I drove 100 on the interstate with my emergency lights on trying to get to the hospital..
Only for my worst fear to be confirmed… you were gone.. I remember sitting outside of the emergency room rocking back and fourth wondering what I could do..
The next few days passed with a blur, visitation, your funeral, etc..
That’s the funny thing about grieving… time doesn’t stop, the world still turns.. people still go about there business, but you, you’re stuck.. you’re stuck wondering why everyone else can still be happy, and giggling. Why you still have to be an adult? Why you still have to get up and go to work in the mornings? That’s the crazy thing, when you’re an adult, you don’t get to shut down like you want to.. there’s people depending on you. More often than not there’s children depending on you. YOU have to be the strong one..
I remember a week or two after you went to heaven, sitting in my living room one night by myself, balled up on my couch screaming and crying.. wondering WHY. Why it had to be you, why someone so full of love and life had to be taken.. you had so many dreams and plans.. but that’s the thing… god had other plans.
Crowe, I have it tattooed on my ribs just for you, because I knew how bad you wanted a tattoo!
You meant so much more than you’ll ever know to me, even though I never showed it. I always looked forward to Jessica texting me or coming to work telling me about what crazy thing you had done the night or weekend before! Or even snap chatting me you helping give Braxton a bath. I think you kept us all on our toes wondering what you were gonna do next.
Losing you taught me so much, like spend as much time with your family as you can. Tell people you love them more often. & don’t be scared to live a little.. && always have some beer at your house 😂. you left an impact on us all.
I keep a drawer full of natty lights in my fridge and think of you everytime I open the fridge and look down.
We miss you more and more as each day passes. We will never forget you, Crowe. ♥️ until we meet again, continue to watch over us! We love you! ♥️