When I was 11, my little sister was born. 2 weeks later her mom and her moved back to Kentucky.

September/October 2021 I reached out to her mom and said I would love to meet her. A few weeks after I sent that message I was at work and my entire world stopped. I got a message back that said she had been asking about us and wanted to meet us.

I would have stopped what I was doing and dropped everything jumped in my car and drove the whole entire way by myself but I had to be smart and I had to be logical. So I texted my brother and told him & then I texted my dad and told him I needed to talk to him.

Something big was happening in my life, something I had prayed 14 years for. Something that I was going to make happen regardless of who or what stood in my way.

A few weeks later Chloe & I loaded up at 6 am on a Saturday & drove to Tennessee. Little did I know a few hours later I was pinching myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming because a teenage girl was standing in front of me that looked just like me at that age.

I thought I would cry, but no tears came out. I can’t even begin to explain the emotions besides thankfulness.

This past November I snuck up to Kentucky & spent an early thanksgiving with her. We had kfc 🤭.

I’ve been told God highly favors me. Lately, I’ve noticed that a whole lot more. I’ve learned you have to be patient and trust gods timing & you have to still trust in him even when his answers aren’t what you hoped for.

Sometimes, I hate technology & I hate social media. A lot of times I’m so incredibly thankful for it because I get to talk to the girl I prayed 14 years for. The girl who caused me to run back to God and learn to be faithful. The girl who taught me what truly trusting in God can do.

Lauren is such a blessing. I’m so thankful to have a sister who loves me as much I love her. I can’t wait to watch her accomplish all the things she sets her mind to.

Lauren isn’t my only sister though.

I also have Kinley & Molly. The brattiest kids I’ve ever met in my life 😮‍💨😂😂. I’m totally kidding! Having younger siblings when your old enough to be their mom is a whole different ball game 😂. It’s also a little funner. I’m still at the age I can be lauren’s Best friend.

Honestly, I was really wondering what my dad was thinking when Kinley & Molly came along, mostly because that was like almost starting over & he had grandkids their age 😂😂. Within these past few months, I’ve learned they weren’t put in our family for my father. God told me he sent them for me. When I first heard God speak this to me, I laughed and said Lord I don’t know if my nerves can handle it… within the past month, he’s showed me just how much I can handle it. I’ve also learned to just let kids be kids & try to keep them kids as long as I can in this scary world.

I always wanted to be like the brady bunch, I think God laughed and gave me just that 🫶🏻.

I don’t like to be touched, molly makes sure she has to touch me. & for that I think God is a very funny man. It’s taken me two years to know she just has to touch me or hug me 😂. Kinley, is the child version of me. I hope she stays a kid as long as she can & never feels the need to grow up way too fast. Lauren, is the better version of myself & it makes me proud to get to watch that version of myself in her.

Sisters make my heart grow full, & they also make me wanna get a belt 😮‍💨😂. I love watching the smaller versions of my self. & I always hope they are 10 times better than the person I was. & I hope they are always the best aunts to my kids. 💗

On the way home from work earlier, listening to the radio. Heart like mine by Miranda Lambert came on the radio. It made me giggle, it made me think of how much Jesus loves people.

We spend so much time trying to be perfect, to build the perfect life, have the next best thing. What if we put all of that into loving each other how Jesus loves us.

Think about how much love Jesus had for you, so much that he died for our sins. He didn’t say ohh you can get into heaven because you have that brand new Mercedes.

He didn’t say, you’re going to hell because you and so & so can’t resolve that issue.

Think about it, Jesus went to the parties, he turned water into wine, & he didn’t look down on someone because they dressed like a hooker.

Really think about what you just read. Think about the last time you were in church and that girls dress was just a little too short. Or think about when you sat in your seat one Sunday and you could smell the alcohol seeping from the person in front of you’s pours.

Why do you have the power to cast judgement on those individuals? The answer is- you don’t. You’re probably the reason that person feels a little uncomfortable coming to church on Sunday mornings.

Those people came to worship just like you did. Those people may have been led to go to church that Sunday, they may have been living life in sin & wanted a change. The Holy Spirit will move you before you realize you are moving sometimes.

Jesus loved the righteous. Jesus showed up to the parties because he may could have turned Atleast one person into a believer.

I like to think Jesus is sometimes a 27 year old like me, he had interest similar to mine. He was just sent out to achieve more than I probably ever could in this lifetime.

The best thing I think though – is he loved the alcoholic and he loved the drug addict. He also said it’s never too late to come back home, & he stands there with open arms.

Sometimes, it’s hard to leave those lifestyles. It’s hard to leave that partying but you never know if Jesus sent you to that party because there is at least one person who is going to decide in that moment they want to change their life after seeing how much Jesus has done for you. There’s your reasoning on why you needed to attend that party and it wasn’t to live in the old ways you lived.

Lately, I’ve found myself praying more and more. Praying that I’m used to help more people find Jesus.

If you made it this far and you feel the need in your heart, remember – he’s always waiting with open arms & it’s never too late to come home.

Let me pray for the person on the other side of this screen-

Dear Heavenly Father, I pray the person on the other side of this screen find you. Whether they have slipped off the path and need to get back straight, whether they just discovered they want to make a change and welcome you into their hearts lord, whether they are running from you, I hope you protect them I hope you help them find their way back to you. Lord, I pray they know how much you love them.

Amen. 🤍

I’ve talked about him before but since I’m trying to bring more awareness to my blog. Let me talk about him some more.

In my previous blog post *a lot can change* I talk about how I left the man I had a child with who I swore I was going to marry.

A few months after that, Nick and I met up after not talking for almost 4 years or longer. We matched on tinder so I could tell him if he wanted to find someone he needed to use some different pictures.

We met when I was like 13 or 14 on my grandmothers back porch. We’ve always had a connection but never thought much of it because of our age difference. I remember seeing him at a gas station when I was pregnant with Chloe, my mom said Thea, that boy really loved you. I kind of laughed and got irritated.

I know why it didn’t work out with other guys. Nick was designed by God himself to be my husband. He was meant to stand by my side in church on Sunday mornings. God knew how much of a mess I would be and he designed the perfect person to be able to handle that. He knew I needed someone to be able to ground me when my mind is racing in twenty different directions. He knew I needed someone who could make me laugh when I’m overwhelmed and in tears. He knew I needed someone who could tell the day I’ve had by just the way I walk into the front door. He knew I needed someone who would just walk up and put his arms around me and I would know that everything is going to be okay.

Sunday mornings though – Sunday mornings with my husband worshipping Jesus together. Sunday mornings are one of my favorite things in the world. I used to dread Sundays, that meant the weekend was over. I look forward to Sundays now because I know we’re going to be in church together. It doesn’t matter how crazy the week has been or how crazy even that morning before church has been – Sunday mornings in those seats with his arm around me bring a sense of peace.

If you knew us before, you’d probably laugh at the idea of us being in church. You’d probably say that was a Joke.

The person I’ve watched my husband grow into these past few months – is the person I’ve been praying for my whole life.

You have to find someone who knows every single detail about you but someone who also loves every single one of those details. You have to find someone who smiles when you tell them your ideas and the things you want in life.

Growing up, I always wanted the fairy tale wedding. The bigger expensive things. I’d blow our money trying to keep up with the Joneses, Nick wouldn’t care as long as I was happy. He still wears high school t-shirts and I thought we need a new wardrobe for every season.

I found my someone, it just happened out of the blue in a McDonald’s parking lot at 3 am one day. I found the one whom my soul loves. The one who will pray for me and pray with me. The one who matches my energy. I can’t imagine life without him and I can’t remember what life was before meeting him.

Lately, I’ve learned the joneses are broke. I wanna be The Yates. I wanna drive my nice car that’s nice because I take care of it, even though it’s not the newest model. I wanna go to church with my husband and kid on Sundays. I wanna start our garden, buy some chickens and other farm animals to put in our back yard.

I’ve found myself praying for our home. I’ve found myself thanking God for the blessings in our lives. I’ve found myself thanking God for our health. I’ve found myself letting go and trusting God’s plan.

Most importantly, I’ve found myself thanking God for my Husband and kid. 🤍

This one may get deep.

I saw a post the other day on Facebook. It talked about how “we were just girls together. We played Barbie’s, had sleep overs, & made up dances together.” It goes on about how you were just girls together and you may not be close to them anymore for various reasons.

Tonight, lying in bed. The song keystone clan popped into my head and then cellophane. I have no idea why, but it took me back to high school and my early twenties, when we were just girls navigating ourselves through life, learning the people we wanted to be.

I’ve always thought of myself as a drifter, I drift in and out of peoples lives, I don’t find myself staying for too long but I’m there when you need me anytime of night or day.

When I was in high school I had a friend group and on any given day you found us piled in somebody’s living room or mostly on my granny’s back porch. Whew the memories made on that old back porch.

I like to say that’s where we first became family.

Through the years, we became an even closer family. We experienced first loves, babies, moving out, heartbreak, death, you name it. It’s crazy that a group of people I now only see once in a blue moon know all of my darkest secrets and I know there’s.

That’s what just being girls together is all about though, and that’s what sucks when you become an adult, get married, & have children – you can’t just be girls together anymore.

I often find myself thinking of “my girls”. The ones that I know I could pick up the phone and call, they’d answer. The ones that if I truly needed to drop everything and them come to me – they would.

Life gets busy, it gets super busy when you throw kids into the mix on top of marriage, on top of transforming into a whole new person after having those kids. We often don’t pick up the phone and call each other or check in. That’s okay because I find myself praying every night for those girls, those babies, & their own families they have now.

I make this post to say it’s okay to not blame your girls when life gets hectic, it’s okay to bump into them out at the grocery store. It’s okay to check in once every six months if that’s what you find is convenient for you. A phone works both ways, and sometimes you both are overwhelmed and can’t pick up that phone. It’s okay to sit back and reflect on those childhood days or think back about the silly memories. It’s even okay to make friends with new people. When you have a friend ship or friendships like we had – you secretly know they’ll always be in your life even if it doesn’t always feel that way.

Cause, when you give a young girl a “tribe” you’re giving her a life time full of laughter. You’re giving her people that hold some of the fondest memories. You’re giving her lifetime friends that turned into sisters long ago. You’re giving her a group of people that will always have her back, when the worlds falling apart.

God, himself knows we weren’t always innocent. We were rebels. We weren’t always the nicest. We put each other in their places when need be. We would challenge each other. We held each other to a higher standard than we did other people. God, himself also knew we would need each other. He knew we’d need someone to be a cheerleader for us, he knew we needed someone we could just walk into their house and not have to knock.

So yeah, it’s okay to be the wild child, the drifter, the hippy, the high strung one. It’s okay to still love the girls – who you got to be just girls together. The girls you got to sneak out with, the girls you got to ride dirt roads with, the girls you got to stay up late watching scary movies, the girls you got to go through the “witchy” phase with, the girls who you got to speed down a back road and jump hills with together, the girls you got to put war paint on with, the girls you got to drink your first tequila shot with. The girls who were there telling you, they are so proud with tears in their eyes when you finally find Jesus.

I promise you, even if life gets busy – they are still thinking about you, they still love you & check in on you, & their parents still ask how your doing.

This one though is for my girls, I love you all. & I’m so proud of each and every one of you🤍

Two and a half years ago- I woke up with one of the worst hang overs I had ever had. I looked in the mirror and told myself what my parents had been preaching to me for a very long time. SOMETHING HAS GOT TO CHANGE.

God had spoke to me to start this blog. I thought it was just a crazy idea. I’ve let it sit here. Tonight, God spoke to me and told me to write about it and to speak forgiveness.

This might get kind of lengthy, so bear with me..

Let’s start off with- something random. I suffer from a vitamin D deficiency. If you don’t know what that is, vitamin D has a ton to do with your mental health. So in simpler terms, I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that causes me to act a little cray cray sometimes. I also have adhd, so if you know, ya know.

As I mentioned earlier, God spoke to me to start this blog. I didn’t know where it would go, I just know he told me to write. I immediately started researching how to start a blog, and all of those things. At first I just thought I was manic and had some new crazy idea. I started writing and then I let it sit here.

These past few days – I’ve had the urge to write in it. I’ve ignored that feeling, because what was I going to write about!? Tonight, my mom called and woke me up telling me to pray for my aunt who had not one but three heart attacks, and drove herself to the hospital (let’s all give her a clap for being such a super hero for that one). I got to pondering thoughts in my head and I’ve laid here and tossed and turned. I was going to open my Bible and read, but God said no, go to that blog and talk about it. Talk about the blog and talk forgiveness.

I used to drink & I drank A LOT. It’s no secret & it isn’t a skeleton in the closet. I’m very open about it. I want you to take my mistakes and learn from them.

I’ve been the big in church Christian, I’ve been the read the Bible at home and sometimes the fall back asleep while I watch church on Facebook live. I’ve also ran from God.

If you have witnessed my life within these past few months, you’d say it’s been a huge change. You see, we hadn’t been to church in months. The church we attend is about 45 minutes away from the house and sometimes we just get lazy and don’t want to drive. That’s just a lame excuse, I’m sorry, but it is.

Easter Sunday- we attended church. This will always be a significant memory for me because I’m just gonna come out and say it. I don’t like crying in front of people. & I try to be a private person, sometimes. This particular Sunday my heart was heavy. I couldn’t shake it. It was cold that morning and just a weird vibe, kind of like nothing was going right. We missed the first service so we decided to get breakfast and go to the second one.

We walked in to church, and when we got there I grabbed a bottle of water. I’m not trying to sound fancy or nothing but our church has a pastry stand and I hadn’t ever seen one those in a church so you know, I was feeling a little boujie. But, I immediately noticed a paper to sign up to get baptized. I had been wanting to get baptized for a while but knew I wasn’t living right so I just kind of brushed it off. Anyways, the first service let’s out and we go attend the second one (thank the lord for the second one because we wouldn’t have fit in the first one). So, you know when the Holy Spirit touches you and you can’t do anything but cry. Yeah at the end of the service you would have thought Nick pinched the back of my arm and stomped my toe the way I was boohooing. The feeling of the Holy Spirit whew, honey. I was so choked up, Nick looked at me one time and asked me if I was okay, all I could do was just shake my head no. When the service let out, I immediately ran to that baptism paper and signed up.

The following weekend, I confessed my love for Jesus Christ and was washed in the blood. When you come out of that water, it’s like a complete breath of fresh air.

It’s taken me a long time to get where I am. I’ve fought my demons and I’ve been so angry with God. I’m giggling because you know when you get irritated in the car with your significant other and you shift your body towards the window, with your knees and your arms crossed and a mad look on your face? That was Me and God. 😂

I’ve been angry with God since I was 16 years old. I didn’t know how to forgive correctly. There’s been so many things go wrong in life that I just wondered why he would put me through those things. *testimony*

When I was 16, I lost my best friend. When I was 20, my grandmother passed away. When I was 21 I left a relationship with the father of my child who I swore I was going to marry. When I was 21, my cousin passed away unexpectedly. When I was 24, my little cousin was killed in a car wreck. I can go on and on about all of these things. They are reasons, I was angry with God.

I’m so thankful that we have such a forgiving God. I’m so glad he’s not the kind that says I’m not going to put you back together again, even when you’ve turned your back or gotten angry with me. I’m so glad he never says you can’t come back home. If that were the case, I’d probably be so far in hell, I’d have the throne.

Nick and I got married in December of 2019 in the church his grandparents got married, his aunt and uncle got married, & his parents got married. Except, we never filed the paperwork. We didn’t “legally” get married until this January. I’ve been wanting a baby since we got married. We just haven’t been able to conceive. Another reason I was angry with God, why couldn’t I give my child a sibling?

I knew I needed to make a doctors appointment but I was honestly so scared. I finally made a doctors appointment and we just recently found out I have PCOS. I have been praying endlessly for a baby boy. A few Sundays ago, in church nick and I decided a baby name for our unborn child. This past Sunday, the preacher mentioned Sarah and Abraham. That was my sign, we will get pregnant soon and be blessed with a son.

I’ve learned lately, you have to obey god and his plans for your life. I’ve learned he will wreck your plans to put you together in such a way you laugh at the plans you thought you had.

I’m so thankful and blessed that God had a plan for my life, that he’s shown me how blessed he can make me. I’m so thankful that he loved us so much, he died for our sins. I’m so thankful to be reborn again.

I miss you, a thousand times. I wish I could call you one more time. I wish I could laugh all night with you. I have these dreams where you come back, as in you were never really gone. These dreams where you call me, or I show up at your house and you’re there. I guess thats heavens version of visiting hours.

There are times I pick up the phone and I do call you. Your phones been disconnected now. I haven’t gotten a random text message in over ten years. The days have gotten somewhat easier. There are also days that I want to lock myself away in a room and not come out until the next day.

I will never get over you. I will never forget what an impact you made in my life. I will never forget the support and love that you showed me. You will always be my missing puzzle piece. You will always be the missing piece of my soul. You don’t get all the credit though, because I know I was your person as well.

Some days are so easy to just miss you and be okay with that. Then, there are days like today. Days where I’m exhausted, days where I have a really bad headache. Days where I can’t stop thinking of you. Days where you send me signs. You’ve been all around me today. It’s been a while since I’ve felt your presence, or you’ve visited.

Today I had a dream, I had a dream that you had to go away and you came back. I hadn’t been a good friend and visited you. I was irritated, you hadn’t tried to reach out to me either. My heart longed for a conversation with you in my dream, as it does in real life. I picked my phone up and I texted you, I asked how you were? & I told you I missed you so much. You texted me back and told me you were still staying safe and that you loved me. You then sent me pictures, and man you were gorgeous. I was texting you back that I was gonna come see you soon but I never sent that text because I woke up.

I think this was you telling me you are okay. You hadn’t visited in years. The last dream of you, that I had was us being on a school bus, going to a shack looking place. You know, kind of like a gift shop at the zoo, possibly? I can’t tell you where it was but I can still see it in my head and I can still describe it to a T. The only problem was I wanted to go with you through those doors, to see what was on the other side of them. You stopped me and told me this is where our journey ended, you had to go. You had to go but I had to stay and return to the school bus. I never had a dream that you were in til a few months ago when I had the dream mentioned above.. I never thought I’d have another dream of you in it.

It’s been 7 or possibly even 8 years since I had the dream of us on the school bus. I know it’s been this long because granny asked me a very specific question when I told her about the dream. Her question? Did you have feet. I looked at her strangely, and I said no. Actually, she didn’t have feet. Granny looked at me and said that’s because angels don’t.

I took that as a sign- I got to walk you to the crossover point. That was you telling me that you were okay. That you had made it. The more recent dream, I take as you are still watching over me and that I’m going to be okay.

The thing about grief is sometimes , I wonder why the sun shines, why people are allowed to go about their day and be happy. Especially when I am stuck here feeling numb.

If I could go back and tell 16 year old me anything it’d be to make time. Make time to spend just a little bit longer with your friends, make plans and don’t let anxiety force you to break those plans. Take all the pictures. Always, always, always, answer the phone.

I have August 4, 2012, tattooed on my right arm, to remind me of the day that my life changed forever at such a young age. I have it on my right side because Emilee was my right hand girl. I have her death date tattooed on me to remind me to take the chance. To remind me to always strive to be a better person. To remind me to speak my truth, & say what’s on my mind.

When I lost Emilee, my world crashed. There were days I’d just stare at the window. There were days I would just stare at my phone waiting for her to text or call. The problem is, when I lost Emilee, I never took the time to truly grieve. I never took the time for myself to process really losing her. I kept pushing forward, I held myself together for others. I remember screaming when I realized she was gone and in that moment nobody could help me. I haven’t been to her grave in a year or two because I know she’s not there anymore. That’s just a place that her body is at, I know she’s with me when I feel that first fall or spring breeze, when I see a lime green butterfly, when the clouds look absolutely perfect.

I had so many failed friendships after Emilee died because I searched for her through a lot of people. When I realized they could never compare, I’d drop them.

Emilee was the type of friend that you could call at 3 am and she’d stay on the phone and let you vent until 8 am the following morning. She was the friend that if you decided you didn’t feel comfortable in your shirt you were wearing that day she would literally trade shirts with you. Emilee was the type of girl who would color coordinate outfits with you for months, I know this because we did it. Probably an entire school year.

Emilee was the person, you could call when your world was crashing down and she’d make it better. She’d make your business- her business.

I wish more than anything she were here to raise babies together, to go have a glass of wine, to call when I have someone I just need to tell everything to.

I remember writing this post almost a year ago. Laying in my bathtub. I was crying because I missed you so much. I was angry with God. I think you’d be so proud of me within these last six months. I’ll see you again, someday. I can’t wait to catch up one day. I think I’ll always ask God why. I know one day I’ll get those answers.

I’ve seen the little saying “I kept my baby”.. and it hits home a little bit more every time. I just posted a picture of me a Chloe from a few weeks ago, saying how I couldn’t believe she was about to be seven. & the saying I kept my baby, kept popping up in my thoughts.

I kept my baby, when I was 18 and a senior in high school.

I kept my baby when I was trying to go to school and start my career.

I kept my baby, even when people looked at me in disgust because I was a pregnant teenager.

I kept my baby, even when I knew a lot of people around town talked about me.

I was that “statistic”. I was that “teen mom”. And I honestly thank God, everyday that I was. I was scared, but I had a damn good support system. God also taught me a lesson about myself. I was so obnoxious, and self centered before I had a baby. I had honestly never wanted kids, & *BOOM* God showed me. God showed me a love I’ve never felt before. God showed me patience, I needed to survive. & God showed me a meaning to life I never knew before.

I felt lead by God to make this post. Somebody out there needs it. They need that sign, to keep that baby. So, if you’re reading this and it’s YOU who needs that sign, keep that baby. That baby is going to open new windows, that baby is going to teach you a love you have never felt before. That baby is going to show teach you lesson, you didn’t know you needed. If you’re scared because you don’t have a good support system, call me. Call me anytime of the day or night, I will be your support system. Please just keep that sweet precious baby. ♥️♥️

This season of life, lord knows has been difficult and overwhelming. This season of life is challenging but I know God is going to make it worth it.

This season of life is about sobriety to me. I wanna be as sober as can be. Which if you know me, you know is an everyday challenge. I like to drink, everybody knows I love alcohol. This season though, I’m gonna do my best to not touch it.. or at least not as much. I wanna remember this season. I wanna be more present even when my mental illnesses tell me different.

This season, I wanna be more prepared. I wanna make more memories, I wanna laugh more, I wanna experience more. I wanna be more successful.

I wanna laugh in a few years when I look back at all of my worrying and feel accomplished because I busted my ass to get where I’m at.

I finally started classes that are actually about my degree and whew, I have learned so much about myself in just the past week.

The devil has also been on me the past two weeks, we started going to church.. last week we missed church because I fell back asleep when I thought I hit the snooze button on my phone.. this week I haven’t been able to work at my second job and I won’t be able to go to church because someone exposed me to covid.. I can’t see my child because of this.. I am going to rebuke the evil that is present in my life. I know this trying time is going to make me so much closer to God.

This season of life man is it hard. I’m trying to not be so negative.. The plans I keep making something happens with them, god isn’t letting them happen at the moment. God has something big planned for me but he is making me wait on it, he’s making me pray harder than I ever have, he’s making me trust him and his process.

This season of life, I cannot wait to see the outcome. I cannot wait to see my accomplishments. This is gonna be the best season, and I am gonna come out at the top.

I have a lot of people ask me, how does your relationship flow so gracefully?

Be friends before you jump into a relationship. Nick and I originally met over 10 years ago through mutual friends, on “the porch” at my grandmothers.

I still vividly remember that day, being 14 years old, my cousins and their friends came over and I was sitting on the porch by myself, they all came up and Ali said, this is Twink. And then they all went inside except for him.. I gave him the most evil stare he’s ever received, if you ask him.. But in my defense I was trying to read him & decide if I was gonna like him or not… He seemed arrogant. So, as bratty as I was, nope couldn’t stand him.

I don’t remember seeing him much after that, but if I did it was definitely at Ali’s house. & we always ended up wrestling… because looking back I apparently wasn’t as girly as I thought 😂. It’s fine we can all laugh, it’s funny!

I do remember having a party in my grandmothers back yard that summer after turning 15 & he showed up.. I remember being drunk off *screw drivers* we had a tent set up in the back yard, & I remember laying in that tent having probably the longest heart to heart with this man I couldn’t stand that night. After that, I remember constantly being together. I’m talking ride or die. Always only one phone call away, or he would just show up and knock on the door with food..

We always had bad timing, as in he would try to flirt with me, and it would go over my head… or I’d flirt with him & it’d go over his head.. we still laugh at each other about this all the time… well, I eventually started dating someone, we went our separate ways.. about 5 years later, I was a single mama, living with my brother. I got on tinder, and nick and I matched… yes that nasty raunchy dating app called TINDER 😂😂.. I swiped right to tell him if he wanted to pull girls he needed to change his pictures.. I honestly wasn’t looking for anything.. I had just gotten out of a five year relationship, & I had a 2 year old..

Nick messaged me and I immediately found myself grinning like a fool. He worked 2nd shift & he told me he’d take me to get icecream from McDonald’s one night when he got off to just catch up.. I ended up staying out til like 3 am that Wednesday.. I remember he told me right before he got out of my car, my old ratty auburn T-shirt was ugly, & he just wanted to be friends.. I agreed and then he leaned in and kissed me.. I wanna say the rest was history buttttt 😂

I ended up backing off and ghosting him.. see not long after we started “talking” my cousin Matthew passed away.. As if I wasn’t already going through a rough time in my life, I felt like I had truly hit rock bottom.. he was persistent and I was hard headed.. I wanna also say he was my knight in shining armor for coming to pick me up out of Lagrange after I was drunk and hadn’t talked to him in a few weeks but honestly he was my saving Grace and I was just a drunk girl in an apple bees 😂.

After that night, I think we’ve been inseparable since… 4 years later we’re married. I can honestly say, he truly loves me.. I feel that love everyday, he does whatever he can to make sure Chloe & I are taken care of. He holds me when I’m overwhelmed. He helps me through my anxiety..

Girls, don’t settle.. Find someone who loves you for you.. Find someone who makes you feel like you are the most beautiful woman in the room. Find someone who will set alarms to get you up when you’ve just had surgery.. Find someone who will run you a hot bath after a long shift and sit at the edge of the tub and wash your back.. Find someone who will stand you in the shower and wash your hair when your mental health is shit. Find someone who makes you feel happiness when you don’t think anybody in the world can stand you. Find someone who will dance in the middle of the kitchen with you after you’ve had a long day.

Don’t let me lie to you though, we aren’t perfect.. sometimes we argue.. sometimes, I want to strangle him.. I know sometimes he wants to strangle me as well.. we get angry with each other and then we sit down and talk it out..

I look at Nick all the time and thank God for him.. I truly believe that God made him for me. & I am so thankful to have met him over 10 years ago. It’s weird but it’s hard to remember life before I met him.. looking back at some of my favorite memories, he’s always in them. I believe that God knew we needed to go separate ways before ending up together, or we wouldn’t have worked.

So my loves, I’m not joking when I say marry your Bestfriend. Fall madly and deeply in love with your Bestfriend.

If I could more specifically, write a letter to this girl..

16 year old me… wow.. looking back now that seems like that was in another life. In a way it was, it was over a decade ago.. but man, oh Man.

This picture took me back and sent so many memories.. If I could write a letter to me then from me now… there’s so much I’d love to fill you in on. So many things have changed that weren’t in my plans. But that’s the funny thing right? You think you have a plan and god laughs at you.

If I could write a letter to this girl, I’d tell her cherish every moment. Love with your heart on your sleeve. Say yes more and don’t be scared to take chances. Honestly though, keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll turn out just fine.

Don’t take time for granted, graduation feels so far away but you’ll blink & youll be pregnant & graduating, starting the rest of your life..

I’d tell you don’t miss the important events because life is so short, you don’t know how many birthdays you get to spend with someone. If you would have told me a few months after this picture I would have lost Emilee, I’d laugh in your face and probably slapped you.

So many things have happened in my life since this sweet picture… I’ve grown so much.. I ended up marrying my Bestfriend from then. I didn’t go with my dream career of being a cosmetologist, but I miss it and still do it on the side from time to time. I didn’t end up moving away from the valley, instead my kid goes to the elementary school down the road , my husband and I built a house on the land that connects to the family farm.

If I could write a letter to me at 16 it’d go like this;

Sweet girl,

You are worth so much more than you could ever imagine.. Keep your head in those books, keep that strong mindset. Chase your dreams. For heaven sakes, go get that dream job you want. Never believe that mean girl attitude will get you further in life. Never change who you are to fit in with others. Cling to your brother, his approval will always be what sets your standards. Open up more to others. Don’t be afraid to dance, don’t be afraid to say yes to things that scare you. & don’t be afraid to give it your all in everything you do.

If I could spend a day with 16 year old me, she’d be so intimidated by 25 year old me.. and for that I’m proud of myself and how far I’ve came as a person.